Stop the contest. We have our Florida Man of the Year.
Tell the Florida Man in Marion County arrested for drunk-driving a lawn mower down Highway 316 and the Florida Man arrested in Punta Gorda for calling 911 to demand ice cream and liquor they've been out-witted.
The Florida Man in Gainesville called for 90,000 fans to fill the University of Florida's football stadium in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic to help his Gators against LSU on Saturday.
"I know our governor passed that rule so certainly, hopefully, the UF administration decides to let us pack the Swamp against LSU – 100% – because that crowd was certainly a factor in the game," Florida coach Dan Mullen said after a last-second loss at Texas A&M on Saturday
He was given a second chance at sensibility. A follow-up question came if he was serious about filling the stadium.
"Absolutely I want to see 90,000 at the Swamp," Mullen said. "The section behind our bench (today), I didn't see an empty seat. It was packed; the entire student section; must have been 50,000 people behind our bench going crazy.
"Hopefully, that will create a home-field advantage for us next week because we've passed a law in our state that allows us to do that."
No lawn-mower-driving or 911-calling Florida Man can seem as impaired as Mullen for that lucid thinking into his football mind.
Because he saw the limits of a Texas A&M education, he wants Florida to act even dumber?
So what is it, Gator fans: your team or your health?
What a world we're living in when the President gets the virus, when the NFL gets the virus, when number of positive tests are rising again across the country due in part to dumbed-down antics and our leaders suggest a home-field advantage is the most important aspect of life.
First, Gov. Ron DeSantis rules the stadiums can be filled to capacity. Most teams, like the Miami Dolphins, have shown a conscience by saying the attendance cap will remain at the previous, socially distanced 13,000 fans.
Mullen feels the exchange rate of a last-second field goal is equal to the risk of illness, even death.
Here's a thought: DeSantis and Mullen go in the midst of a crowd of 90,000 and spend their afternoon. Doesn't any brave leader get out front and show their minions how it's done?
Oh, and don't wear a mask, either. DeSantis is at the forefront of the no-mask brigade that's kept our economy from recovering in some form. Mullen no doubt knows a mask impairs noise that could affect the all-important, third-and-5 play.
Most sports fans understand we're fortunate to be playing games. The NBA went in a bubble to do so. The NFL canceled games and juggled schedules this weekend in the wake of COVID-19 outbreaks on the Tennessee Titans and New England Patriots.
These are businesses that have access to daily testing and the best medical care possible. Like those in the White House outbreak. Like the fortunate 1% in any society.
The rest of us? Good luck. Mullen just has to look at his university not having in-person classes to understand how Florida officials feel about the risk of the virus.
College football made a business decision in keeping games going this season. When students can meet in classrooms, you'll know school officials think it's really safe to be in stadiums.
Until then? You have Mullen putting a field goal ahead of his fans' health. You have coaches playing out the full caricature of thinking games are more important than life – that they are life-and-death itself.
Florida fans are perhaps smarter than their coach. They didn't buy up the limited allotment during its last home game against South Carolina. Certainly university officials aren't as myopic as Mullen. Are they?
Florida Man is a reality-based collection of dumb antics that would seem fictional if you didn't live here. You know the stories: Florida Man clings to a speeding truck. Florida Man breaks into a home and is caught sucking a man's toes.
Hold all those entries. We have a winner. The only question left is if Mullen shows an even louder lack of perspective in the coming days.
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